My Story
So, my dad occasionally drank, mainly Whiskey, but my mum was limited to a Babycham at Christmas. They separated when I was seven and my new stepfather, a couple of years later, was tee-total. So, I did not really grow up around alcohol. The introduction of it into my life would be a familiar story through my teenage parties I attended. Once I left home, I became a regular drinker, but nothing that would not have been considered normal in the 80’s and 90’s. It was very easy for me to find company when I fancied a drink. We were proud our local village had 8 pubs. Yes 8! Most villages have a solitary pub now, culture has changed so much.
My early career took me into London by my mid-twenties and it was in my time working at an investment bank, alongside living in London, where my drinking escalated to new levels. I never had to drive as everything was an affordable tube or bus ride away. It was not uncommon once or twice a week to move onto night clubs after the pubs closed and roll home at 1 or 2 am – on a work night! I was proud of my stamina in those days though, being really proud of being in the gym by 6.30am and back at my desk for 8am with a healthy breakfast.
As I progressed into more senior management, alcohol consumption became more part of the job than simply socialising with colleagues after work. There were networking events, customers to entertain, suppliers who wanted to entertain and the bar becoming the 5th “meeting room” where we senior managers could discuss things unheard by our teams.
There was a time when, with other directors, we left an awards ceremony at 5am to go straight to major contract pitch later in the morning. How we won that contract I will never know. But that was just the problem. We thought we were invincible, and this was the way to do things. Work hard, play hard, with pride.
I cringe now at some of the states I got in and some of the “debates” that were had in those days. We put the heated disagreements down to “passion”, but in reality, of course they were uncontrolled interactions where the more we drank the more interested we became in forcing our opinion on others instead of trying to understand others.
A few things then became a catalyst for me. I moved into the leadership training sector, I became an emotional intelligence feedback practitioner, I married a wonderful woman and created our own “Brady Bunch”, my daughters grew into teenagers, and, I guess, my maturity grew. I became acutely more self-aware of who I was and the person I wanted to be.
Stopping alcohol altogether was a scary thought. It was accompanied by this underlying dread that I would be forever giving up something wonderful in life and my life would be a little bit greyer for it, that I would be forever boring. So, I moderated for a very long time. The truth is though, that this became exhausting. I had a constant chatter in my head. Berating myself for the drink I had a day or two ago that was hindering my fitness goals or increasing my anxiety, through to worrying about days and events coming up as to whether I should give myself permission to drink, and if I did, how much would I have. If I decided not to drink, I would worry about defending my choice with drinkers at the event. There literally was always something to worry about, and after a long time I realised that I was NEVER entirely happy, so I needed to try total sobriety. I knew a couple of businesspeople that had achieved this, and you know what, they looked healthy and happy.
This was a long, lonely journey, even when I joined a nationally known online sobriety community. I didn’t have people around me that understood my specific challenges and environments to the degree that I could lean into them for support.
I finally did it with will power alone, but this took me seven years! It is incredibly hard! If you have read this far then I’m guessing that is something you might be able to relate to.
After just over a year dry, I went on Janey Lee Grace’s sobriety coach training programme to give back to people like me. Her course is fantastic, and even though I was already a coach of many years, I learnt so much from her programme.
I realise now that the price of drinking alcohol was way deeper than just in my pocket. It took so much from me. I can genuinely say now that I never ever have a thought of drinking again. I do not take this for granted, and I’m enjoying life with much more clarity, calmness and largely anxiety free. I am present, all the time now. I am fitter, lighter, brighter and happier.
Alcohol would only take from that list if I went back to seeking 2 or 3 hours of the “buzz” every now and then. Sobriety is awesome!